Energy cannot be created or destroyed, merely converted to a different form. And matter, as we all know, is a form of highly concentrated energy.

Looking up Wikipedia I discovered that one gram of matter contains 9.0×10¹³ joules. (Theoretical total mass-energy of 1 gram of matter). This is approximately the same energy yield as the fat man atomic bomb used in World War Two.

However according to Flora and the British Heart Foundation (who have joined forces to inform the world of the terrors of saturated fat, and cholesterol, and the benefits of Flora), ten grams of matter can easily be gained or lost on the average kitchen stove.

How so, you may wonder. Surely, losing ten grams of matter would create a serious risk of releasing enough energy to wipe out a major city, and all residents contained within. Not so, it seems that if you fry an egg, it weighs 60grams. However, if you boil an egg, it weighs 50grams. See the Flora BHF poster for further detail on this remarkable fact: http://www.flora.com/PDFAuth.aspx?redirectURL=/Resources/others/pdf/HCPPdf/Fat%20Swaps.pdf

Ten grams of matter can simply disappear when you boil an egg? Quite remarkable. I think we should ask CERN to close down the large hadron collider straight away. Their search for the Higgs Boson, the reason why mass exists, and naïve reliance the Unified Field Theory itself, are clearly misguided.

All you need do, to disprove the existence of the mass/energy equation is boil an egg, and ten grams of matter simply disappear. 900,000,000,000,000 joules of energy……just gone. How remarkable is that.

But the wonders of Flora and the BHF do not stop with disproving the existence of the Higgs Boson, and the uselessness of all theoretical physicists. They can also do maths which prove that you can alter the amount of matter contained within the egg as well.

According to this self-same remarkable British Heart Foundation/Flora poster, a fried egg contains 2.4 grams of ‘bad’ fat, and 4.5 grams of good fat.  On the other hand a boiled egg contains a mere 1.6 grams of ‘bad’ fat and 3.0 grams of good fat. So, eating a boiled egg means that you reduce intake of ‘bad’ fat by 0.8 grams. (Bad fat is saturated fat, by the way).

For those of you with a mathematical bent, you may have noticed that if  a fried egg weighs 60g, and boiled egg weighs 50g, it is 20% heavier. Yet it manages to contain 50% more bad fat (2.4g/1.6g = 1.5). Aha, you might be thinking, when you fry an egg good fat (polyunsaturated), is converted to saturated fat – or something of the sort.

Well, clearly not so (and biologically impossible). Because a fried egg also contains 4.5 grams of good fat, whilst a boiled egg contains 3.0 grams of good fat. So, the ratio of good fat in a fried egg and a boiled egg is also 1.5 (3.0/1.5 = 1.5). In other words, exactly the same ratio as in a fried egg.

So, not only do fried eggs weigh more – 20% more. They also contain significantly more good and bad fat – 50%, at the same time. Bringing all this information together we find that, according to the scientists at Flora and the BHF, a fried egg ends up 1.2 times as massive as boiled eggs and contains 1.5 times as much bad and good fat at the same time. Yes, of course.

My solution to all this is simple, sneak up on the eggs from behind, and damn well fry the ones that thought they were going to be boiled. In this way you can reduce bad fat in a fried egg from 2.4 grams to 1.6 grams. Hah! I bet the scientists in Flora never thought of that – did they.

I am so glad that the British Heart Foundation have brought keen scientific rigor to their partnership with Flora. If I wasn’t laughing, I’d be crying.